I've been a big fan of the internet since I was mid-90s teenager, and have been chronically online ever since. Always enjoying creating a website aesthetic, delving into my obsessions, and researching rabbit trails. Browsing online suits my need for lots of variety of information, and there is endless inspiration for my visual creative impulses.
There are a lot of things I like about modern 2020s technology. One of my favorite uses is 24/7 telemedicine visits to see a nurse practitioner. Gone are the days of having to get an appointment at the busy local clinic, sit and watch the menu screen of a kids dvd movie loop over and over, wait for an hour to see a doctor for a simple sinus infection, further exposing us to more illnesses.
I come from a time when we had the fun of the internet without all of the trappings of privacy invasions, constant bombardment of advertising, social media contagions (trends), etc. I could log in and find a community according to a niche interest in a forum. I was a late adopter of both smartphones and cell phones in general. I’m typing this on a AlphaSmart word processor made in 2005. I’m not even working on a computer, because even desktop computers can make actually sitting down to be productive at a screen even more distractible.
I don't want to spend my life in another dimension that exists in a never ending, always refreshing feed.
One of my weaknesses is Pinterest. I love beautiful things, photography, and clothing inspiration. But sometimes I find myself there so frequently I literally see everything I am inclined to be interested in. But all my favorite places on the web change and inevitably getting worse and more annoying to use. From the adoption of the infinity scroll format, loads and loads of ads (that are now mostly unvetted scam companies using AI to trick consumers) and the whole issue of the Dead Internet Theory where you find yourself in a landscape where bots are just interacting with eachother….
One cannot simply peruse a blog these days without the assault of 3 popup windows, auto playing video banner at the bottom, and stupidly rambling around the point so they can get to you have to scroll as long as possible to fit in as many ads as they can. It’s offensive and overstimulating. Being online is making the choice to be exposed to constant marketing messages and for a sensitive person it can be wearying to the mind.
Do you ever sit down to watch TV and scroll through all the streaming options, discovering that most of what you’d be interested in watching is with an additional subscription or the choices are so many that you get decision fatigue? That was certainly the case for me. I decided to collect DVDS of all my favorite TV shows and movies. I pick them up used for $1 - $3 each, along with the $10 blu ray player I bought at the thrift store. My collection is now over 250 DVDs. We watch our family comfort shows like Parks and Rec and Gilmore Girls without wondering when and if they’ll be removed from the streaming subscriptions we have. It’s also nice to know that they have usually not been edited to remove things that may be deemed offensive in this day and age.
I also collect hard copies of my favorite albums, some on cd, some cassettes and vinyl records. I really think you appreciate an album more from start to finish when it’s in your hand. Streaming music can make it feel so forgettable and ethereal.
I think that analog media lends itself to a slower pace, a more present enjoyment.
One thing that really helps curb that urge to pick up the phone is to have a notepad nearby where you can write any question or topic that you were going to look up. And then when you have scheduled structured screen time you can use it wisely.
I saw a tip on youtube about turning your smartphone into a dumbphone by basically keeping the power saving mode on. And honestly that is such a good idea and I can’t believe I had not considered it before.
When you do creative things or have good taste or interesting pursuits, it can feel lonely to not post them for people to see - that’s where I want to be better about putting it on a blog where it is not such an ephemeral thing.
Spending a lot of time scrolling and consuming is like robbing myself of an interesting life. It is taking enjoyment away. Hobbies and passions can be enjoyed for their own sake, without sharing with others, maybe in the process of making a zine or booklet it is like a delayed gratification of sharing. Almost like posting online gives your brain too much satisfaction from it, and it is hard to have that momentum of creation, where you can really get into a deeper level of concentration.
Because of our culture's tendency to turn everything into a hustle, making something just for the satisfaction of it is not usually our motivation. We are already thinking of how to present and market it to the world. But often not everything we create is a viable product. We might not yet have the ability to make it perfectly, but that shouldn’t stop us from the act of making. For a perfectionist, the desire to have it flawless can stand in the way of real practice and progress. Deprogramming the brain from near constant social media exposure will make it easy to have fun with the creation process, because we get out of the comparison trap.
I was very creative and confident in my 30s. It didn’t take long as social media evolved into what it is now to become hyper aware that no matter what you do, there is always someone who is better, younger and faster at it than you. And they can make it look way more polished and professional while you’re at it. And then the comments! The internet was not always such a hostile place. Yes, there was the occasional troll but the way that people feel the need to share every nit-picky criticism and opinion - it’s become endemic and if you want to put yourself out there, you have to have a very tough skin. I’ve heard people say you have to get over your fear of ‘being seen’ but I think that not everyone has the right to you. You can live your quiet life, creating what makes you happy and spend your time doing whatever you like and you don’t have to make yourself vulnerable to the public for their approval or disapproval. Another thing that made me less expressive in my creativity was having teenagers. It's annoying to create to only have them telling me what’s corny and cringe.
When “influencing” became the new get rich quick craze, it has made overconsumption, micro trends and materialism even more of a plague upon society. People who have no other talent or wisdom to share just share products sent to them by big corporations. Everything is an advertisement.
No forms of social media actually foster community and a social experience.
In fact, it continues to objectively destroy society.
I love being at home for extended periods but I do struggle without some imposed structure. Staying off of screens is harder to do, especially when the weather is either too hot or cold or I’m not feeling very energetic. So if I’m going to be home more often, where can I find that structure? Online life has never offered me the feeling of community and connection that it purports to having. It only highlights the fact that I have little in common with most people.Every time I have deleted a social media account it’s because I have realized that I am talking to myself or the only people who respond are the same two people who have always responded. When I start a new account, it is because I’m feeling that need for conversation and connection, but am not finding it in real life. I spend a lot of time in near solitude and many hours of the day with no one to talk to. But I should realize by now that I am my own best company.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I have no outlet for what I feel like I can contribute to the world. I realize that my personality style does want to be seen as someone who is useful and productive. But I feel like my responsibility to be a homemaker just spotlights how bad I am at it due to my executive function issues. I’m better at so many other things, and it would be nice to have some value and recognition for those.
I honestly dislike the feeling of being reachable 24/7. I miss the days when sometimes if you were away from home, you just were unavailable and please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Our culture has made it very hard to exist without a smartphone. From QR codes, to grocery pickup check ins, you have to have an app for this or that - moving through the modern world without a smart phone is inconvenient to the point of defeat, and even if it doesn’t bother you all that much, it will drive your friends and family crazy. You also cannot conveniently protect your privacy in this world any more. We inch closer to the social credit score system that Elon dreams about - where every transaction whether personal, financial, social is recorded and preserved. Our movements are constantly tracked by the software in our phones even while it’s off. It’s incredible what we have allowed to violate us in order to numb our minds out on the internet that is always on, always reachable. It’s pathetic really how the human race was so easily ensnared.
In this increasingly toxic world, I feel like just maintaining health and energy takes up a lot of mental space, funds, and time. Maybe I’m just feeling that way because I am perimenopausal with other preexisting issues, but I often feel that my time for hobbies and interests have to take a backseat for my own self care. Lately, it feels like just to try to live your healthiest life and dodge all the pitfalls laid before you you must have the self-discipline of a monk, the bank account of a rich man, and an empty calendar full of free time.
I’m working hard on avoiding the scroll. I slept with my phone in the living room so when I woke up, I had my journal and my books to work on. I lingered a lot less in bed, and got on with my duck and chicken chores. Once out, I continued to work in my journal with coloring and herbal research. Once I got bored with that, I did a page in a word search book and listened to music. I can keep up this kind of routine for approximately one week until life throws me a curveball and I'm using screens to cope.
