Bear with me as I write through this headache. I'm a little disoriented.
I'm nearly halfway through my final year as a homeschool mom, the role I've thrown myself into for the last twenty-something years. My youngest child is now 18 and a senior.
My journey through the emptying nest is becoming easier, although no one has actually left home yet. Last year at this time, I had been terribly sick, missed some weeks of co-op then when we had our holiday break, I felt very bereft and lonely. My older children who had already graduated from homeschool were moving on with their jobs, friends, and partners. I was grieving the loss of two of my dogs from earlier in the year. I needed friends, conversation and a sense of purpose.
Our homeschool co-op did serve some of my need for community, but both my son and I were feeling frustration at a lack of true connections - people to spend time with outside of our once weekly gathering. All of this left us with a lot to ponder for the remainder of that school year.
This year, we have become more involved in a homeschool social group and found community we were looking for. I also started taking seriously that I needed to fill my own life with good things to look forward to and projects to work on.
When you have homeschooled for the last 20 years, the minute that your children begin to graduate, your life starts changing in ways that can feel uncomfortable. You're used to going places with all of your children present. Everyone is always riding along to every activity. Then it was 3, then 2, then 1. It's not easy for the youngest either, because they can start feeling like an only child. The siblings they were used to always being around were doing their own thing, and not experiencing the same life. It was weird when we began to know people that the others didn't know.
One thing I didn't really count on when my kids started graduating from homeschool was losing my village. Once the homeschooling ties that link your family to another come to an end, so often does the friendship. That was a grief I experienced.
I knew I needed another dog, and I ended up with two. It helped immediately. It has been like running a daycare of toddlers raising young dogs. They create all kinds of chaos and mess. But I needed the responsibility, and dogs listen to your chatter better than cats do.
One thing that got me out of a bad rut earlier this year was to become a travel agent. Going through all of the training and learning new things was so good and distracting. Then I worked on logos, branding, social media graphics, etc. I have no idea if it will ever turn into anything real, but it was a positive effort nonetheless. I also sell my shirts locally and online, though product selling feels like a dead end sometimes.
I listened to podcasts about empty nest syndrome and perimenopause, and have purposed to be as proactive about creating a life of joy for myself that isn't just focused on what my kids are doing. I didn't want to wait until the first one left the nest to start supporting myself. I didn't see many possibilities, because I had already been living my dream. Homeschooling my kids has been the most fulfilling way to spend my life. I've run businesses with mixed results of satisfaction, I didn't want to work for someone else...what could top what I've already done? And what's left to do?
I still don't know the answers to those questions. The economy and rapidly changing world has made it hard to run small businesses, and I think we are all sick to death of social media. Although I'd love to make some of my own spending money, I also don't need to tie my worth to earning. I'd rather write here, and know that I'm speaking to the void, rather on depending on algorithims and endless scrolling. I think the era of the personal website is back.
I've started to narrow down some things that I really want to learn - drawing and watercolor painting, improving my writing, video creation, and cutting hair. I continue to love going on cruises, and would enjoy helping others discover cruising and booking their vacations. I might set up an office at our screenprinting shop and become a more active participant in that business. Working on my home coziness, enjoying a TV show or movie, and having a little bevvy or treat makes me very content. Right now, I've got 8 chicks that just hatched, so you never know what life will drop in your path.
All I want is to see my kids thriving and enjoying their own lives, trusting that I'll still get to be a part of that. I'm happy that they're happy. And I want to find those new experiences and friendships for myself, knowing there is still so much to look forward to. My goal for the new year is to take advantage of more opportunities for stimulating conversations. I need to find people with some similar interests. Feeling lately like I am just too niche.
For now, I'm going to keep driving everyone around, enjoy the holidays, cry over baby pictures, and get through each day.
